ᴾᵉᵖᵖᵉʳᵐⁱⁿᵗ ᴰʳᵉᵃᵐˢ | Sol’s thoughts & ooc musings

[Solaris-]

A page for my thoughts, rants, and ooc musings that may or may not pertain to ongoing writings.

Friendly reminder: If you are not me, you do not get to post here. Please do not intrude on my space. You may lurk and like to your heart’s content, but otherwise, let me keep my space for my own thoughts. Thank you.

 

[Solaris-]

Tale from the front desk-
As a night shift hotel worker, I have seen things that would baffle a normal, sane person. Tonight has been much the same.
It’s summer time, our busy season. I work at a relatively small hotel, however, and this summer has never really been super busy. The last week though, we’ve been sold out of every room each day that I’ve worked. Loads of laundry to do, and on top of it all both shitty guests and coworkers to deal with.

Since I clocked in at 11pm the phone has not stopped ringing. Our system is taking way longer than normal to undergo its nightly audit system, and I still have 2 check ins that won’t come in until 3 am. A guys dog had an accident on the second floor and asked me to clean up the mess. I have a weak stomach and don’t know what kind of “accident” this was; he didn’t bother to specify. If it was vomit, then I definitely can’t be around it or I will get sick too. (Sympathy pukers rise up?)

I’m about 2 seconds away from unplugging the goddamn phone and I still have 4 hours left on my shift. Lord have mercy on my soul. Thank god that tomorrow is my day off. I can’t wait to get the hell away from the hospitality industry forever.

 

[Solaris-]

Tales from your friendly neighborhood night shift hotel worker here-

Please do know that if you extend your stay that you will be subject to the next week’s rates. The employees at the hotel do not make these rates; we only tell you what the computer tells us is your new rate. Do not come to us and whine and cry about the price and say “I stayed at this same hotel in so and so city and it was never like this. The rates weren’t xyz amount of money then.” This is a busy city with competitive prices on hotel rooms that are correlated to how busy or sold out the hotel is for the week. The reason the rates were so cheap in that city is likely that it’s much smaller than this one.

As someone with a migraine, the more you yell at me, the less likely I am to bend over backwards to help you.

If there is a doorbell at the front desk, also please do not hit it more than once in quick succession. It annoys the absolute fuck out of me that some of you feel the need to press the button two, three, or even four times. I assure you that I am not far away from the desk and I heard it the first time. You can have some patience and wait for me to come out of the laundry room or break room.

Some people act like they’ve never stayed at a hotel before and lose all decorum. I swear. Be patient with service workers, folks. We’re people too, and we’re tired. Exhausted even.

 

[Solaris-]

Living in Avalon since the death of her grandparents had been lonely. She'd had her brother as her ever present company, sure, but as young adults, she knew they both desired more from life. Since the two had inherited the estate, they’d agreed that the two needed to stay there until things settled down- which meant Ashe had had to give up on her apprenticeship in Oregon for the time being. The funeral for her grandparents had only been a week before, but even knowing they were gone, she still expected to hear the tapping sound of her grandmother’s cane on the stairs as the old woman made her way up to check on her granddaughter. She’d always liked to see what Ashe was doodling or scribbling while the two of them talked about life. The thought brought a smile to the girl’s lips as she set down her pen on the desk. Ashe had never been known to be a crier, but this week she was full of tears.

Her phone chimed nearby, and she was quick to pick up the device with slender digits to tap on the app notification that she used to communicate with their friends. It used preassigned usernames which they had all found surprisingly fitting for each of them, and were often how they referred to each other.
Honey: How are you both holding up?

Now she was smiling for a different reason. Dmitri was a sweet boy to take time out of his busy life to think enough about them to ask about them.
Wisteria: Well enough. I’m excited for you all to get here though. We’ve been needing an excuse to do anything but mope around the house. I have a whole spread of food for you all when you get here.
Honey: Hopefully, we all get to sample the world’s best cinnamon rolls.

Ashe looked up from her phone to look over at the small mountain of dishes in the sink. It was a disaster zone in the kitchen- not unlike the disaster of a woman that sat within it. She’d never truly been all that graceful in the kitchen despite her current occupation as a patisser. Often times, in culinary school, she’d gotten chided and marked down for how messy her work station was. It was all worth it in the end though as the smells that wafted through the big house were divine.

Nearby, the shrill sound of a timer went off and she was quick to silence it in order to pull the last bit of what she had started preparing early that morning out of the oven. Every part of the meal looked better than the last, and Ashe swore she’d outdone herself this time; there was almost enough of it to feed a small army. Or at least six hungry young adults who were coming all the way from Portland to this small podunk little town for a long visit. A waft of hot steam from the oven blew wisps of blue hair away from her face. Careful fingers plucked the biscuits from the hot tray and placed them on a plate next to everything else on the table.

Taking a glance down at herself, she noticed just how much of a mess that she’d made of herself as well as the kitchen. She was covered head to toe in flour and she likely looked like she’d been awake all night with enough caffeine to kill a normal human in her system. Sighing through her nose, she supposed it couldn’t be helped. Hopefully, the other half of her whole idiot hadn’t hogged all the hot water that morning. Taking the stairs two at a time, Ashe made her way back up and stopped right outside her brother’s door knocking loudly. “Hey shit-head you better be awake. If you’re not up by the time I’m done in the shower I’m gonna dump you in the pond.” These words were said with love, of course. The two were known to give each other shit on many an occasion. “And don’t eat anything yet. Wait for our friends.”

Ashe was quick to shower, and even quicker to put on a face full of makeup. It made her feel a bit more normal to appear as she normally would on any other day. She pulled on a pair of dark wash pants and a loose cardigan over her t-shirt.
Wisteria: Let us know when you get here. One of us can come pick you up from the train station. And uh- don’t mind the kitchen. I’ll bribe him to clean up after me later.​

 

[Solaris-]

Current rps and muses

Of Skeleton Keys & Curses - Andromeda von Stratton
The Tyrant’s Poisonous Flower- Sun Yanwen
Nowhere Train - Ashe D’arcy & Dmitri Rostova
Secrets & Tabloids- Myles Llewellyn
Blue Lantern Society - Kieu Vandelinde & Mischa (Last name Pending)

 

[Solaris-]

​

It had been barely a month since Dmitri officially stepped away entirely from his job at Verdigris where he'd worked as a host. Had barely been a month since he'd been released from the hospital after the events of the night that had kept him holed up in his apartment to recover. The whole thing had been an ordeal that the dark haired man had never envisioned himself being embroiled in. He had met clingy women before, but never had he met a woman like her. She’d spent so much time at the host club asking for him, and he’d been flattered for the attention at first, but as their relationship continued, he quickly realized how unhealthy her “love” for him truly was. He had closed himself off from his socials, his modeling gigs, and his friends in equal measure to keep her happy. Being so isolated had terrified him as he was a very social creature by nature. To say his relationship with Marina had ended badly would be the understatement of the century. He’d nearly died due to her overbearing love, and now he was paying the price in recovery while her simps tried to say that she was too pretty to be in jail.

Dmitri closed the news app on his phone. “Fucking unbelievable.” Part of him wanted her to stay there because at least she would be behind bars and not in his life. Another part of her felt bad that he might have accidentally led her on and encouraged her feelings when it was just because he didn’t know how to step away.

He leaned his head against the cool glass of the train window. Being so far from Portland now was a breath of fresh air, and it would only be a matter of time before the train reached Avalon where he could reconnect with the friends he missed dearly. Not even Wisteria or Saltwater knew what had happened to him, and the news coverage of the whole ordeal had been minimal. Not that they should concern themselves with his problems when they were grieving a loss of their own. He was just grateful for them both as he’d not known how to reach out.

The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up- exposing heavily tattooed arms and he stretched his arms over his head to loosen tight muscles from their previously rigid position.

A quiet chirp of a text caught him off guard and he flinched before realizing it was just a text message. He would have to stop flinching at the smallest of unexpected noises if he was going to be in a house full of his friends. Dmitri didn’t want them to worry about his well being; they were all there to support the twins with their grief and loneliness after losing family. Ashe was a strong woman, and he respected her resilience even though he knew she was hurting and had said as much before.

Honey: No need, Ashe. I’ll pick up the rest of the mystery gang and we’ll head over so you guys don’t have to worry about picking us up.
Wisteria: You are seriously the best. I’m still trying to get this moron out of bed. Love you lots. Ring the doorbell when you get here. Please give me a hug when you get here, Demi xoxo

Of course he would. Naturally a touchy person who enjoyed the warmth of other people around him, he would be more than happy to hug her and her brother if he wanted it.

NEW PRIVATE MESSAGE
A dark brow rose in curiosity. It was from Ashe.
Wisteria: Figured I’d ask you privately, but I noticed you haven’t posted your cosplays much lately. Are you and Marina okay?

He let out a soft groan and rubbed his temples with his fingers. Pretending he was fine was the easiest option than telling her the truth, but she deserved better than that.
Honey: Let’s have a drink about it and commiserate later. I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Wisteria: That bad, huh? I’ll make you something strong and you can cry on my shoulder if you need to. I knew that girl was bad news.

Dmitri had hovered his thumbs over the keyboard to respond, but thought better of it. The train jostled to a stop and he knew they were finally in Avalon.
Honey: The train finally arrived. Be there soon, Bluey xoxo

To the group chat, he did send one last message:
Honey: Hey guys, meet me outside the train station so we can hurry up and get over there before the food gets cold.

 

[Solaris-]

Images I don't have uses for yet, but have thoughts about frequently using.

 

[Solaris-]

Do not read this if you don’t want spoilers for colorless.

Ever since Technicolor had resurfaced, the tension had built in the undercity and the upper city both. Still, The Grey Hand had not called off the Christmas Gala that year even despite the protests in the city streets to stop the threat of the supposed terrorists. She felt a gentle touch against her shoulder and her tired, sleep deprived eyes drifted upwards to the tall, dark haired man at her side. She’d not slept in days- nearly four, but maybe it was five? She couldn’t recall just how long it’d been since she’d had a full night’s rest. “You need to rest, Queen Cinnabar,” Though his words were gentle, she still flinched under them.

“How can I rest when my people die around me? How can I call myself Queen when I can’t even keep you all safe?” Perhaps those that hated her amongst their ranks should have dethroned her by now. Though Romi clung stubbornly to the title of Queen as she thought she knew what was best for her people. “I can’t even tell them the truth that they deserve to know, Wren. They deserve better.” The tears that she had kept tightly inside now fell from her tired eyes. They had lost too many in these past few months all for a stupid cause that meant nothing in the long run.

The dark haired man smiled at her. She’d was the only one who used his nickname. It was rare to see Romi how she was now. A woman so guarded and careful with her secrets, so strong and unbroken now sat openly sobbing into her hands. It was true that they had lost many, and he too felt the pressure of the crown as he too shared the responsibility for these losses. But they had to remain strong, and Romi had always been their foundation that kept them grounded. “If you refuse to let me go alone, then please rest. I need you at your best tonight, and if you’re not at your full strength then we can do nothing.”

He was right. She needed to be ready for whatever was to come. Standing up at her rather unimpressive height, Romi stood slowly. For a few more days at least she could keep it from them all that she was dying. Whatever strength was left within her, she would use to protect what was hers.

—

(This is a WIP)​

 

[Solaris-]

It had all happened so fast. One moment, he and his friends were laughing over jokes and shared memories and the next, there was a loud explosion that had caught them all off guard. Drinks were spilled and there was confused screams and quiet whispers among them all, but he found himself silent, terrified even.

He’d remembered holding on tightly to the closest body next to him. The noises had brought him back to the night he’d nearly lost his life. Seeing Marina straddling him with the knife she was still holding onto sticking out of his shoulder. The searing hot pain he’d felt as she pulled it out of him still slick with blood before she held it over him again. He’d been afraid for his life then, and remembering it now almost made him hyperventilate. Dmitri hadn’t even realized how hard he’d held onto Rowan’s arm and hand at that moment until he was pulled back into it. He’d noted the fear on the other’s face as well, and knowing of Rowan’s past experiences, he didn’t need to ask why. He’d only drawn his friend closer to him to let them know that they weren’t alone there and that if they needed to, they could use him to stabilize themselves.

That had been days ago since the train trellis had collapsed leaving the two of them and their other friends trapped in Avalon. Part of him felt grateful to be trapped there- happy even- that he could not return to his life back in Portland. The further away from bad memories he was the better.

Dmitri found sleep hard to come by that night despite Rowan’s soft breathing from the bed across the room from where he sat on his own bed. At least one of them was sleeping. He sat there, propped up against the pillows doomscrolling on his phone through his socials. People had definitely noticed his return to his accounts, and already his inbox was full about questions of where he’d been. Slender digits had spent most of the night scrubbing his messages- just deleting each one rather than responding. Perhaps it would be prudent to craft some sort of public response without mentioning too much. His fan girls wouldn’t take too kindly to the idea that he’d had a girlfriend with how parasocial they were, and he didn’t want to stir the pot and open himself up to further questioning about the subject.

His scrolling had stopped when he reached the most recent photo. It was a beautiful candid that had been taken by Rowan on their first night there in Avalon. Dmitri admired the composition, and despite the photo having taken barely a few moments to take, he had to admit that Rowan had real talent in his camera skills. He would have to find a way to ask for more photos like this in the future as it took him ages to line up shots on his own for his cosplay shots.

(WIP)​

 

[Solaris-]

I apologize to anyone with stories with me right now. My brain is severely scrambled by lack of sleep and stress and I'm trying my best.

 

[Solaris-]

Froshi I see you lurking. Don’t read if you don’t wanna be spoiled.

Spoilers

TW/CW: Domestic abuse, Threatening harm against one’s self, suicidal ideation, attempted murder, blood.

Berlin had been a pleasant and peaceful interlude. A short window of time when there had been minimal fighting between Marnie and Dmitri. It felt almost like it had been when they’d started dating. She was loving and happy for once compared to how she normally acted. He didn’t realize he was so blinded by the love-bombing to see there was a storm brewing underneath the surface.

The two of them had returned to his apartment in Portland jet lagged and tired, but otherwise, they were well. Thankfully, there was nowhere to go that night and he could just lay in bed without feeling guilty about being lazy. Especially after a trip that had been productive for Dmitri. He’d been introduced to new contacts, had landed a few new modeling gigs, but if he had to be truthful, the biggest thing that stuck out to him was his new friendship with Rowan. They hadn’t texted much, and mostly it was just Dmitri letting them know that he’d made it home safely. That was fine with him; he’d known from the start of their interactions that Rowan wasn’t much of a texter as they’d admitted to that themselves. Their absence made grasping the concept of “temporary” much easier as he knew now what it felt like to leave something behind.

There had never been anything between them; Rowan knew Dmitri had a girlfriend, and even if he didn’t, he doubted anything would have happened from their flash-friendship in the first place, but he still missed the one person that allowed him to be himself. Fingers scrolled up from their sparse messages to the first one he’d sent. That photo of them both on that day they’d met made Rowan’s existence in his life feel less ghost like- more solid. At least he knew the other wasn’t a delusion dreamed up by a lonely mind even if they never met again. Dmitri wasn’t quite sure why his heart ached the way it did at that thought, but he didn’t quite have time to dwell on it before his phone was snatched from his hands.

He’d sat up to face her- brows furrowing tightly together in anger that she’d grabbed his belongings like that. This wasn’t the first time she had taken his phone from him when he had just been looking through photos. She checked it often enough and had seen Rowan’s name there plenty of times. This time though, the way she looked at him, he couldn’t help but flinch under that cold, frigid gaze. “Is this why you kept saying I couldn’t come with you? You were off cheating on me with him? What do you even see in him anyway?” He couldn’t tell her that she grew disappointed by seeing Dmitri when he wasn’t acting. Even in the four years of dating, she had never been content to have a real conversation with him, and they’d all made her irritable. She chased the fantasy of dating someone that Dmitri only pretended to be when he was getting paid. All that charisma and charm and confident smiles had been who he was at one point with her, sure, but now, he was just tired. “I can’t believe my boyfriend is a full blown f-“

“Marnie!” Dmitri cut her off before she could say it. He knew what was coming. She was about to start hurling hurtful insults about his sexuality, and he didn’t want to hear it right now. Though he was deeply afraid of her, he rose to his feet and took her by her arms perhaps a bit more forcefully than he’d meant to. The smaller woman struggled against his tight grip until she freed one of her hands.

Crack.

The sound of palm against skin. Her hand had struck him across the face. Dmitri stood there- dumbfounded that she’d done that. Marnie had hit him before in her angry outbursts- had left bruises on him that were easy enough to cover up with makeup, but never had she dared to hit him in the face. It was a line he’d thought she wouldn’t cross, but now that had been shattered in one definitive moment. Both of them were silent- reeling from what had happened. His phone was dropped to the floor. A loud cracking had let him know the screen was shattered, but he only released her and picked up the device.

“I’m going to my parent’s house for the night,” He’d lifted the duffle bag full of clothes he’d carried as a carry on over his shoulder.

“Wait, Demi, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“You never mean to, Marnie, but I’m still leaving. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Even despite his tiredness right now, he needed to leave this apartment that felt more and more like a prison the longer he stayed here with her. She had attempted to stop him again and again- begging him to stay there, but he closed the door behind him- leaving her there to cry behind the closed door. Dmitri felt as though he were immune to her crocodile tears at this point as they were always shed when she knew she was in the wrong and tried to make him feel guilty for walking away from her after an argument.

- -

Nearly six months had passed since that argument with Marnie. Six months since Berlin felt like a lifetime now. Dmitri continued on as he normally did, but when he came home for the night, he could barely look Marnie in the face much less bring him to reciprocate her kisses or attempts at affection. He was so, so tired in a way that sleep would never fix. He never mentioned any of it to anyone- not the constant abuse, not the arguments, not even when she now grew bolder in how she took out her angry words and stress on him. Makeup covered up bruises and dark circles both and no one was the wiser. Not even Ashe knew what Marnie did to him or she might have threatened to kick her ass for him, but he didn’t want that. All he wanted was peace, but he had no idea how to obtain it.

It had been a dreadfully long day at Nostalgia. Pretending usually came easy to Dmitri, but he hadn’t had it in him to be there longer than the eight hours he was paid for. Putting the key in the lock, he heard the gentle hum of the television from their bedroom in the kitchen. All the lights were off in the house that night, and he could feel how tired he was by how his eyes threatened to close the moment he slumped against the door when it was closed. God, he hoped that Marnie was asleep; there was no way he could stomach her antics that night. Quietly, he made his way through the apartment, and was blessed with the sight of her sleeping there with her back to him.

He forced himself through a quick shower and pulled on a clean pair of pajama pants before he too all but collapsed next to her. His back was to her- not even wanting to touch her for fear of waking her. He didn’t even remember falling asleep.

And then there was the pain. Sharp, stinging, hot and freezing all at the same time. Tired eyes opened- groggy from sleep and unfocused in the dim light of the room that was only illuminated by the light from the television. Dmitri groaned as he felt whatever it was slip from his back and he was rolled onto his back by her while Marnie straddled him. It was then that he could see the knife before it was plunged deep into his shoulder. This time, it was searing, agony. He felt as though he couldn’t breathe and his breathing came out in quiet panicked bursts. The steel blade of the kitchen knife was pulled free from his body once more and she held it steady, poised and ready right above his heart. He’d not even had the time to register the tears that leaked from his face at that moment- likely from the pain and betrayal both.

His hand reached up to grasp the blade that was slick and wet with blood that stained everything it touched. It cut his palm, but that pain didn’t register as his body coursed with adrenaline. “Marnie, I love you. Please don’t.”

He could feel her grasp on the blade waver and she all but collapsed onto him- resting her head against the shoulder she had not stabbed. Much like his phone had all those months ago, she let the knife clatter to the floor. And then her weight from him was gone as she rushed from the room- leaving him there reeling with what had just occurred between them. This woman- the woman he’d loved deeply and with unwavering faithfulness for the past four years, his first love- had betrayed him in the worst of ways.

- -

It was nearly a month later, and Dmitri still found himself jumping at loud noises or unexpected touches. He’d broken his lease and quit his job after Marina had been arrested- not able to keep himself living in that apartment any longer. His parents meant well, and they definitely worried seeing their bright and happy son become this shell of a person that they didn’t know anymore. He didn’t have the heart to tell them more than what was necessary after they’d picked him up from the hospital. By now, the wounds on his chest and back were just ugly, red scars that reminded him to not be a trusting idiot toward the first person that gave him an ounce of affection. The black eye had healed, but he still had a scar on his cheek from that night as well. The days he spent hiding in his room made him wish that he no longer existed; perhaps that would be easier on everyone at this point.

He was scrolling through messages on social media- attempting to keep himself from drifting to the suicidal thoughts that had taken hold of him lately. Any distraction was worth it at this point, he supposed.

His phone dinged- the cracked screen lit up with something he hadn’t seen in months.

Ptichka. Even through the spiderweb of lines across the screen, saw the name he’d affectionately called Rowan when they’d first met. Dmitri wondered if they would still remind him of a little bird. He hesitated on opening the message, but ultimately his curiosity won out in the end.

‘I came to visit that place you talked about- Verdigris- but they told me you don’t work here anymore. Was hoping you’d still show me around.’

Fuck.

They’d come all this way from their busy life to meet up with him only to be met with disappointment. Dmitri didn’t need to look at himself to know what kind of hot mess he looked like, but he still responded to the text quickly. Perhaps too quickly with his parents’ address.

‘Can we talk? I don’t wanna do this through the phone. I would be happy to see you again. This is my parents’ place if you can make it here.’

No matter how he looked now, it was nothing a shower and a change of clothes couldn’t fix despite the deep sadness and tiredness that filled those deep amber hues.

 

[Solaris-]

Somehow I’m both tired of this, Grandpa and aware that that’s too damn bad at the same time.
If it’s not one thing it’s another, and this week it’s coworker drama. This time though, that bitch finally got what she deserved because management got tired of her shit when she started talking down to people again and it makes me happy and hopeful that she’ll stop trying to boss people around now.

In some lighter news our plans to move seem to be going well, but I don’t want to jinx it before it happens. There’s no way I can survive staying where I am longer than I have to. It’s not the last situation where I had to get out asap, but it’s definitely one of those “I’ve been here longer than I should have been and now I feel like I need to get out” type of situations.

I’m happy with the way my stories are going right now other than my inability to sleep which hinders how often I can post. I’ve been considering opening up public group threads again just because I miss the excitement of writing for more than one character and writing my posts here for just myself to read doesn’t really scratch the same itch that writing for/with others does for me. I will see how I feel about it when I’ve not been awake for 24 hours straight and see if I still wanna take that on lmao.​

 

[Solaris-]

​

chαrαctєr rσutєs-

These routes are generally how I feel about my characters and the threads that they're in. I'm a sucker for happy endings, but lately, I've been trying to branch out and do more with my characters and their stories.

➽➽➽ Route a- The happy ending. Okay character growth and development. Generally used for lighter, fluffier story-lines with less conflict.
➽➽➽ Route b- The “Goldilocks” ending. It's just right. Decent character growth for stories with more serious conflicts.
➽➽➽ Route c- The “bad” ending. Excellent character development and growth.

--

Andromeda von Stratton- Route B
Myles Llewellyn - Route B/C (Tentative bad ending depending on how the story progresses)
Ashe D'arcy - Route A (as of right now, I don't have much planned for this character but that may change once the story starts)
Dmitri Rostova - Route B (He deserves a happy ending after being stabbed, but I'm still making him work for it)
Sun Yanwen - Route B
Romi Yessenova - Route C (I've had her death planned for ten years now and not even Froshi can stop me from thinking this is how she's gonna end up)
Kieu Vandelinde - Route C​

 

[Solaris-]

This section will be added to Dmitri's character profile when I stop being lazy. I'm just gonna write it out here.

Important Character Relationships-



Name - Ekatinera "Katya" Rostova
Age - 48
Relationship - Mother ; Alive
Occupation - Retired factory worker ; Now works a comfortable 9-5 as an office admin

"My mother. She has horrible resting bitch face. Must be where I got that from. She's a hard worker, and I respect her greatly for everything she's done for me. It makes me happy that she was able to find a more comfortable job here in the US after we moved and she's able to afford things we otherwise wouldn't be able to back in Moscow."

--


Name - Mikhail "Misha" Rostova
Age - 52
Relationship - Father ; Alive
Occupation - Salary man ; works with Illyana in her own business endeavors from time to time

"Since he stopped drinking he's been a more present father. He wanted me to be like Yana- book smart and someone who could learn from school. When I was younger, I often felt like I was a disappointment to him because I was never good in class unless the subject was interesting. I think after high school, he accepted that I was never going to be like my sister. We're on good terms, and I know he worries about me, but I try not to make my problems my parents' problems."

--

​

Name - Illyana "Yana" Rostova
Age - 35
Relationship - Sister ; Alive
Occupation ; Business woman ; Entrepreneur

"Even though she's ten years older than me, when I was a kid, she was my best friend when I had no one else. She's smart and fashion forward, and I learned so much from her when we both poured over magazines together. We aren't as close now as we were then since we're both out here living our adult lives, but I still love my sister and enjoy her visits."

--​

​

Name - Rowan "Ro" Castellanos
Age - 26
Relationship - Complicated. Committed without the commitment. Together without need for "I love yous"
Occupation - Travel photographer / journalist (former stringer)

"I never thought meeting someone for three days over coffee and commiserating would lead to something that made me rethink wanting to be single. They remind me of a bird and the nickname Ptichka just kind of stuck and never went away even now that they're more sure of themselves- less nervous and flighty. They saw me on both of my worst days, saw me break down and still didn't run. I don't want this to just be temporary, but I don't want to feel trapped or trap them in a relationship because I know what that feels like. For now, it's enough for us to take on the world one step at a time, together."

--



Name - Ashley "Ashe" D'arcy
Age - 27
Relationship - Best friend ; Wingman
Occupation - Patissier

"My best friend. My ride or die. We met in school and have been inseparable since. You'll never find a friend better than Ashe because she has always done whatever she can for her loved ones."


--


Name - Marina "Marnie" de la Cruz
Age - 27
Relationship - Ex-Girlfriend
Occupation - Trust fund baby

"Is it petty of me to say that I hope she rots in jail for almost killing me? If so, then I hope I never have to see this woman ever again. She tormented me for five years and ruined all my relationships with people I love. She terrifies me."​

 

[Solaris-]

Myles hips slowed their vigorous pace after Roland’s second orgasm. His body shuddered hard on top of the dark haired man and he let out soft, panted breaths. Both of them tired from their rushed lovemaking that had gone far longer than either of them had imagined. He was supposed to meet with another patron that night, but he’d let his hunger for Roland consume him in many different ways. Myles’ hands rested there on Roland’s chest- straddling his hips with that softening manhood still inside of him. His limbs felt like jelly, and it was the first time in a long time he didn’t want to run directly to the shower after sex.

He slid slowly from the lap he was perched on to lay down on the bed next to the dark haired guard- wrapping his slender arms around his chest, settling his slender body against the sculpted one of the other man. The dark bruise against his neck from two bite marks was stark against pale skin, and Myles felt guilty. He never fed from patrons or from the staff at Nostalgia, and now he’d broken his own rules twice in one night. It was made worse because it was Roland. Why did it have to be Roland? Why couldn’t it have been someone he didn’t give a shit about if they lived or died or how that venom had affected him so strongly? Fingertips brushed against those tender bruises on his neck and he felt the muscles under Roland’s neck tense slightly under his touch which caused Myles to draw his hand away.

“So,” The dark haired man began.

“So?” Myles swallowed hard after the quiet question. He knew what was coming.

“Vampires exist?”

“Yes, but we’re rare these days.”

“And you’re one of them.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Matter of fact.

“I am. I’m usually better at controlling myself, but when you put your hands on my shoulders I could feel your quickened heartbeat through your fingertips against my skin. You were so close, I could smell you through your cologne and the cigarette we were sharing.” He pulled away from the warm embrace to sit up against the pillows on the bed with a quiet groan- feeling a familiar pain his lower half that came from two sessions of vigorous sex back to back. They’d stepped over the line they both had wanted to cross that night that they shouldn’t have. Had said things that neither of them would have said if vampire venom hadn’t made Roland more honest with his feelings. Guilt sank in heavily in Myles’ stomach and heart. Roland deserved better- deserved someone who could give him all of them and not someone who slept with others for money and had to keep him a secret. “I apologized for biting you then because I was breaking my rules by doing that to you. I knew how my venom would affect you, but I couldn’t control myself. Even though I spent each night flirting with you, and even if you felt the same way, it still wasn’t right of me to bite you.”

But god he’d been so hungry. Had wanted to taste Roland’s sweet scented blood against his tongue, and it had been so, so sweet.

“What exactly does your ‘venom’ do? And you mentioned charm-speak earlier. What’s that?”

These were questions Myles knew were coming. He didn’t blame him for being curious. “Vampire venom is supposed to make it easier to drink from… well, their victim for lack of a better word. It’s hard when people flail around to drink you dry, so normally, we choose someone who trusts us. When you’re bitten, the venom boosts your endorphins, lulling you into a heightened sense of arousal. For most, it’s like having the best orgasm of your life as your life essence is drained from you. But I didn’t want to kill you no matter how hungry I was. I just wanted to taste you because I couldn’t resist you anymore.” It felt as though Roland had put a spell over him the moment those large hands had rested against his bare shoulders outside on the bench. “I just wish it wasn’t you of all people.”

A large hands moved to rest against Myles’ thigh- pressing fingers against gentle love bites that had been left there against alabaster flesh. “You remind me of someone I knew once. A very long time ago.” He didn’t know why he was so honest all of a sudden. Myles rarely enjoyed pillow talking with his patrons, but this felt different. Like Roland deserved these explanations. Ever since that night a few months ago when that possessive man had tried to kill him and Roland had saved him, he’d been reminded of his past in a way that made him uncomfortable to think about.

“Tell me about them.” Roland pressed and sat up as well. His arm wrapped around the blonde’s slender middle and pulled him closer- moving an arm along the length of Myles’ spine slowly, reassuringly.

“He was a prince. When I was a human, my family started working as servants for a noble family- an Archduke and family. The princeling was a little older than I was, nearing seventeen when I was just fifteen. Even though we were foreigners, he was always kind to us, to me.” Myles face flushed, both embarrassed at remembering this and remembering the feelings that had crept up within him towards both Roland and the prince. “He offered me his time when I was done with my tasks, offered me gifts that made the other maids jealous that I was capturing his attention. But I always rejected his advances and his gifts because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or my family when we needed the work. Accepting these things would admit that I also shared his affection for me, and that I wanted special treatment. But I didn’t.” He shook his head- blonde hair falling into his face from the action. “I just wanted to do what was requested of me and nothing else because I knew if we started anything, nothing would come from it. I would just be something for him to use temporarily and throw away when it came time for him to marry and have heirs. I’m a man, no matter how pretty I am, no matter what my body looks like, I couldn’t give him children. It would be biologically impossible.”

The irony of how Myles lived his life now wasn’t lost on him. An high-end escort who rubbed elbows with the rich and famous in temporary encounters where he had the power to pull the plug on their relationship before he was abandoned by these partners. A profession that required a level of professionalism and trust- filled with red tape and contracts that could be rendered void the moment someone crossed a line. “Eventually, we did start a tentative relationship of sorts. He confronted me about his feelings, and I let it slip that I too shared them even if I was scared. He was quick to tell me it would work out and that I wouldn’t be temporary, but I knew that was a lie. The moment he had a wife, he would forget about me because why would you want a servant boy who had nothing to offer when you had a classically trained princess or noblewoman to keep your attention?” It was clear that his attitude towards himself was deeply self-depreciating even though he often wore an air of confidence about himself. To most, Myles was untouchable, charismatic, charming. He seemed like he had everything, but he had worked hard to get where he was. Over the centuries, he’d drug himself up from nothing to be here and have what he did have.

“The princeling wasn’t the only one whose attention I attracted, unfortunately. His father too became interested in me. I’m not sure if the Duke learned of my relationship with his son, but I wouldn’t be surprised. He said I was pretty, tried to dress me like he dressed the other maids. Started putting his hands on me.” Myles didn’t go into detail of what he meant on that as it was heavily implied. “When the prince asked me where the bruises came from, I lied and told him the other maids threw things at me or that I fell. I didn’t want to lose my job and go back to being penniless. We were already poor, but at least we had clothes and food. So both continued for the next few years. Both the abuse and the loving relationship that I had fallen for like a stupid love-sick idiot. I felt like I was losing my mind being pulled apart in two separate directions.”

The arm squeezed tighter around him and Myles curled himself around Roland- craving the warmth of the other man’s body against his own. “It all came to a head one night. I was so careful to make sure the prince never learned of what his father was doing to me, but he did come to find out. The night I stabbed his father because I couldn’t deal with being touched against my will anymore. Didn’t want to be feminized and forced to please a man I hated. So I stabbed him until he was laying there on the floor bleeding out. Over twenty times, they’d said, but I wasn’t counting. I thought he was dead, and was celebrating the death of my abuser in my mind until he picked himself up off the floor. Eyes a dark shade of amber with sharp fangs. He laughed at me and held me down and bit me. I can’t remember everything past that point until I woke up to a gentle touch and someone begging me to live.” He had no doubt that the prince had turned him into what he was now. He’d done what he had to do to ensure that Myles lived because he had been laying there on the floor nearly dead. “He also begged me to leave and never come back, and so I did.

“When I saw my reflection again in the dirty mirror of a seedy inn, I too bore those same amber, hungry eyes and sharp fangs. I was just like the two of them and had to figure out how to live this new life on my own.” It hadn’t been easy- still wasn’t easy if he had to be honest despite being several centuries removed from being a fledgling now. “At least no one can touch me like that now. I won’t let them.”

The words settled into uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Just Roland holding him- petting blonde hair and holding Myles against his chest. He could hear the man’s heartbeat beneath his ribcage. It was fast, unsettled. Mylles’ story likely wasn’t an easy one to hear. But Roland had asked, and he wasn’t about to lie about his experiences. “And your charm-speak?” Roland asked again, quieter this time.

“It’s how I ensure things go my way, that contracts are adhered to. Just influencing patrons with the charm-speak so they behave themselves. Sometimes, if they’re weaker willed, it makes them more susceptible to the boyfriend experience. Makes them believe it’s more real. It can be dangerous sometimes. You saw that first hand. I never used it on you if you’re worried.” He chanced a look up to the man once again with those big, ocean colored hues. “I only want your true reactions to me, Ro. I was happy just flirting with you each day, and never expected anything to happen between us.”

But now, here they were. In this odd partnership between the two of them that they both wished and hoped would continue past this one night. Even without the influence of vampire venom in Roland’s veins influencing him in ways that he might not have acted upon without it. Myles knew it was stupid of them to consider this kind of relationship, but that didn’t stop him from wanting it- from wanting Roland. “Are we actually doing this? I don’t blame you if you want to take back what you said. I’m okay with being a temporary thing for you.” Lies, all lies, but he didn’t want Roland to put his job on the line for his stupid feelings. “Can we go share another cigarette?”​

 

[Solaris-]

I burned my muse completely out. I’m so tired and so burnt out of creativity. Hopefully it’ll come back, but for now I just don’t have it in me.

 

[Solaris-]

​

There was some commotion in the Vandelinde Estate as Loren went about the morning chores. The other servants milling about had been staring at him longer than they normally did, whispering amongst themselves and pretending like he couldn't hear them. Thus far, he'd made out that there was going to be some sort of festivities occurring in the kingdom due to the return of a knight that had fought valiantly at their northern borders. The man was returning a war hero. But Loren still didn't know what that had to do with him and why they stared so much it was like they were boring holes in his skull. Despite remembering that he used to be a prince, he remembered very little about much of how he'd acted when he wore the crown.

If Loren could remember Kieran though, he would have been first in line to greet his lover. Stares of the public be damned, if his memory wasn't locked behind a cloudy haze, he would have kissed him while they gawked at them until someone carried him away. But as it stood now, he felt as though moths were eating through the grey matter of his brain daily- leaving less and less there in their wake. The fog of amnesia was thick, and the medicine, unknowingly to him only made it all the worse.

He stared at the pills he held in his hand. They'd been prescribed by the apothecary and palace mages to cure his manic episodes and make it easier to function daily, and they did help in that regard, but they did little to cure the nightmares and headaches he still had. Horrible memories plagued his dreams. Bringing the brick down against his father's head again and again chief among them. No one spoke about it, and even when he asked them why this had happened, everyone looked at him like they may look at a kicked puppy and told him that he shouldn't try to remember these things. It felt patronizing, humiliating, even to be told that these things didn't matter, but he'd learned over the course of two years to stop asking because no one would tell him anything of importance.

"Take your medicine, Loren." Lady Vandelinde had never let him miss a dose. She too was convinced that they were helping more than they were hurting, and Loren didn't want to disappoint her as she'd risked so much to keep him from the executioner's block.

Soft brown hues turned upwards to meet her gaze apologetically. "Right. Sorry. My head is elsewhere today." In the clouds it seemed. He did as he was told and took the pills- chasing them with a drink from his own glass. It was clear that the lady of the house worried about his recovery. Their reputation was at stake as they'd taken him in instead of letting him be executed for his crimes. Part of him hated that they'd taken pity on him as living like this- with half of his mind intact- was no way to live. He'd grown a bit jaded in two years from this predicament, but didn't want to cause trouble to the people that had given him a second chance.

"The Vandelinde Estate will be attending the event today. Are you feeling up to helping us out today, Loren?" She was kind to worry about him and his aversion to crowded spaces.

Her son sneered over at the blonde- face stuffed to the brim full of toast that Loren had just placed on the table for them. "Since when do we let servants attend events?"

The harsh words made Loren flinch. Ever since he'd been delegated as a servant to the estate, the eldest son of house Vandelinde- Remy- had taken it upon himself to humiliate the blonde in any way he saw fit to do so. Remy had previously been his servant in the palace- a trusted advisor and he'd thought a friend. But with the way that he was being treated now, it was likely that the other boy felt nothing but contempt for him.

He said nothing in response to the words Remy said to him. Choosing silence rather than harsh rebuttal seemed a better option.

He could hear the whispering starting up behind him. Something about it being a bad idea to bring him along coming from the other servants that stood in the doorway. Loren knew crowds could be hard for him to handle, but surely he wasn't that much of a liability these days. "I should be fine to help. If it gets to be too much, I can just return to finish the tasks around the estate. I'd rather not inconvenience you if it's important to make a good impression, Lady Vandelinde."

"Not at all. You should get out of the house more often. The fresh air will do you some good. Go get yourself ready, then." She waved him away and he offered a gentle bow of his head in respect towards her before leaving. There had been something behind her careful, watchful gaze that he couldn't quite read.

On his way out, he caught a name on the servant's lips. Sir Kieran. And that stirred up something uncomfortable in his chest and mind both. There was a painful throbbing behind his temples. The onset of a migraine that usually came from painful flashes of his past. His vision was blurring as he walked, and by the time he'd made it to his room, he was doubled over on the floor with his head in his hands. Breathing came out in quiet, short, panicked bursts as though he'd forgotten how to breathe in just a few moments. Tinnitus rang loudly in his ears and his hands shook as he held either side of his face in his palms. He could feel tears hot and scolding running down his cheeks, but he barely had the capacity to focus on them in this state.

Why had just one name caused his brain to feel like it was ripping itself apart? It wasn't familiar to him- at least he didn't recognize it immediately. But there was a warmth in his chest that was hard to ignore. Part of him still wished that he could greet Kieran warmly, with a smile as the prince he was supposed to be even if his addled mind didn't recognize that wanting. The cold stone ground helped him regain his center, and his vision slowly returned to him. Blinking back the tears, he was able to pick himself up from the ground. The throbbing behind his eyes had slowed to a dull ache- still there, still present, but manageable for now. Loren was just grateful to have this breakdown behind a closed door so that people wouldn't stare at him. Part of him wanted to ask why this man was so important- why he felt important to him too despite not even knowing who he was, but he knew he would get concerned glances and empty words in response.

These memories always came to him broken, like paintings warped by time and neglect or like he was watching things unfold through dirty, broken lenses and hearing things as though he were miles underwater- doomed to never piece together the full tidbits of conversation. This time all he could hear was an unfamiliar voice calling him 'Wren' and no one he knew did that since his mother had passed and the man's voice was definitely not her.

Loren busied himself with his clothes- changing out of his normal wear that he wore about the estate and into something suitable to go out. Still in a tunic that bore the Vandelinde colors on their sleeves, but underneath, he wore dark, unassuming trousers. Over it, a dark cloak to keep out the chill of the early spring air. Long hair was braided to keep it tied back. It'd been cut short when he'd been kept in the tower awaiting his trial, but now it had grown long again, and he was considering cutting it again just to keep it out of his way since it got in his way when he was cleaning often.

His hands still shook, but he fought to keep them steady as he rejoined the lady of the house who directed some of the servants in what to do while they were out, and he followed after her at a respectable distance. The brisk air did feel much more pleasant than it'd felt inside, and he was grateful she had invited him now. As they walked into the village square, it was livelier than it normally was with excited children and guards milling about. Vendors were selling their wares and haggling for better deals from their patrons.

And then the gate opened and everyone was watching as horses rode in through the opened gates. Loren's heart pounded in his chest seeing knights bearing the crest of the crown-guard. These knights were important and he wondered why they, of all people, would have been exiled to the north. Surely, the king's best knights were less expendable than normal soldiers would have been.

The horse the man in front was riding had stopped as it passed Loren as he stood there and turned its head toward him- giving him a gentle nudge with its snout as though it recognized him. Loren let out a soft laugh at the ticklish nuzzle and offered a gentle pat in response. "I'm so sorry to distract your horse. I'm afraid I don't have any treats though." He offered a bow of his head in apology towards the unfamiliar man and took a step back so that he wouldn't interrupt their path even further. The last thing he wanted was to cause a scene or make someone angry at him. And now people were staring which made him even more uncomfortable with the situation. The urge to run was strong.

A warm flush filled those pale cheeks and he swallowed thickly. Breathing a little unsteady now. "I'm going home." Loren said flatly and was gone before she could have stopped him. He brought the hood of his cloak up to cover his hair and keep the attention off of himself.

But Loren didn't return back to the estate. Rather, his footsteps took him towards the empty courtyard in the far rear of the palace. Even guard patrols rarely came out this far these days. Abandoned, empty. The spot that he always came when he needed to clear his head though its importance was lost on him. Yet another thing he couldn't remember why this spot was so important. His body felt heavy as he seated himself down on the edge of the broken fountain that was filled with rain water and he looked down at his shaking hands in his lap.

"What is wrong with me? I can't even make it through one outing without panicking." His words were a quiet chastisement of his own behavior. The moment he'd felt people staring at them, he'd ran away without thinking too hard on it and he felt guilty. He should have just stayed home rather than embarrass her like that. But he couldn't handle the incessant whispering there either or the harsh words of Remy who would give him even more shit for running away as he had.

 

[Solaris-]

​

It’d been two years.

Two agonizing, painful, cold, and lonely years since he’d since been to the place that he called home. But it wasn’t truly his home, and he had no family to welcome him with open arms back through the gates. There was only one person he wished to see- his sweet little bird. Seeing the beautiful smiling face of his prince and holding him in his arms would be the only thing that would make Kieran complete now. It had been the only thing urging him forward through these past two years apart. No matter how many northern barbarians he slew, no matter the new battle scars he now possessed. They didn’t matter as long as the only person he loved and the only one who had ever given him an unconditional love in return would be there to see him.

“They’re calling you a war hero,” The voice behind him made Kieran laugh. The irony behind that notion hit him hard. He hadn’t been expected to survive this. Between the savagery displayed by the soldiers of the north and the cold and ice, being sent there had surely been a death sentence. But for some reason, he was returning. Spite, most likely, as he’d survived much of his life that way. A scrawny orphan boy who had made his way to a well-respected knight errant certainly had only lived this long out of spite of those who told him he would amount to nothing.

“Let them say what they will. All that matters is that we’re home now.” The soft tenor of his voice rose up above the sound of the horse’s hooves against the unpaved road that led towards the gates of the palace. One step closer until he could be wrapped in the slender arms of his lover once more. If their relationship weren’t illegal in the eyes of the nation, he would propose on the spot.

The gates opened and allowed them entry. Kieran had removed his helmet and sat it on the saddle in front of him. So many adoring faces in the crowd as they rode past, but his icy stare only sought out one in particular. His horse stopped and as he peered down at what had caused the disruption, it felt as all the air in his lungs was knocked out of him. The simple braid of white-blonde hair and those soft brown eyes never ceased to leave him breathless. ‘Just as beautiful as I remembered.’ It brought a smile to his face. “Easy, Twyla,” His gloved hand reached forward to give the horse a gentle pat of reassurance. “Prince Loren,” He spoke before realizing that the figure of the man he loved was running away. Loren had never run away from him before. Was he upset?

Kieran didn’t have time to think about the possibilities now with his men eager to return to the barracks and he eager to return to his own villa to rest as well. He led Twyla towards the stables where she was taken from him to be pampered and groomed. He returned to his empty villa- letting out a soft sigh at the state of the place. In his absence, a thick layer of dust had formed over everything. He changed out of his armor- replacing it with his uniform. Still bearing the crown-guard insignia proudly upon his chest embroidered in gold and teal. His mind drifted back to the sight of Loren and how he hadn’t even looked at him when he’d rode through. Something was wrong, and Kieran didn’t need any special powers to know that much.

He decided that he would clean his home another time, and set out for the one place he knew he was likely to find the prince. Their secret place that the two of them had spent countless hours in just talking and enjoying one another’s company. As he neared, he watched the blonde sitting there against the edge of the fountain. His footsteps were quiet against the cobblestone and he smiled widely when the other turned his head. “I thought I might find you here, Wren. I missed you so much.” Kieran wanted to approach him to kiss him, to hold him, but something felt off and he didn’t understand what yet.

“No one calls me that.” The words were matter of fact and there was confusion written on Loren’s features. “Do you know me or have you confused me for someone else perhaps?”

They had played these silly games with one another before, and so Kieran smiled- expecting Loren to tell him he was joking almost immediately. The blonde was horrible at lying in all the time Kieran had known him. But there was no laughter that followed or reassurance that this was some sort of horrible joke. His blood felt like it was suddenly filled with painful shards of ice and his smile faded quickly. “I call you that. Prince Loren, is there something wrong?”